Parent or Bartender?
November 6, 2015
Eating their words
November 6, 2015
It may be as long as 15 minutes or as short as 5. No matter how long you’re in the car the car with your child—taking them to soccer practice, dropping them off at a friend’s house or running a quick errand for a school project—experts agree: this is the most valuable time you can spend with your child.
All across America on any given day, parents are toting their kids from one place to another. And more often than not, that precious time is wasted. Parents are making mental check lists, while the kids are 100 miles away, lost in the sounds emanating from their earbuds.
Robin McClure, author of six parenting books and former childcare contributor to About.com, offers these tips on how to talk to your kids—and get them talking, too:
Provide no-pressure conversation opportunities – The quickest way to get kids to shut down and, as a result, shut you out is to continuously quiz them about things. A more effective approach is to sit back and patiently wait for them to open up. Once they do, be prepared to listen.
Don’t judge or criticize – Parents can sometimes issue such harsh decrees, that kids at a young age decide it’s best not to talk about something rather than have to sit through your diatribes. If you really want to know what’s on your child’s mind, then avoid passing judgment and focus instead on why something seems important to your child.
Ask a child what they think instead of telling them what you think – You want to raise a creative and independent thinker, right? If so, stop telling your child what he ought to feel or think. You can gently encourage additional conversation by simply asking why he feels the way he does or what would he do in a certain situation. But be careful not to overdo it when talking with your child.
Avoid interrogating your child – You may think you’re just asking questions out of curiosity, but a child who is hit with an endless stream of questions about what they did, who acted like what, did everyone get along, did you go to the bathroom, etc., is enough to make anyone shut down! Practice patience and let your kids
open up on their terms.
Be a fly on the wall – Ever notice how your kids think you’re invisible when you’re driving them somewhere in the car? Sometimes, you can learn more about what your kids think or feel when they’re telling their friends about something. Resist the temptation to do anything but listen, and then ask them about things later in a nonchalant fashion.
Tell stories about yourself growing up – Kids can relate to you and other adults when you tell stories about your own childhood experiences when you were their age.
Talking to kids by telling them about things like something embarrassing that happened or the first crush you had helps them to connect with you and understand that you might actually know what they are going through!
According to the Partnership for a Drug-Free New Jersey,by spending a small amount of time each day talking to their children, parents can reduce their likelihood of exposure to drugs and alcohol by 67 percent.
Break the Ice
Get the conversation going with these simple, yet telling, conversation starters:
What’s the best thing that happened today?
What’s the worst thing that happened today?
If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?
If you could be principal for one day, what would you do?
What’s your favorite thing about your best friend? Least favorite?
Who would you like most to meet and why?
What’s the one thing you couldn’t live without?
What’s your ideal of the perfect day?
