The Importance of Validating

Validating your children’s feelings helps them feel understood and loved. Sometimes, we want to quickly fix what they’re sharing when, honestly, they just want to be heard. Learning to listen and not judge is the challenging part of parenting, and one that takes the most discipline to learn.

Validating their emotional world gives them a pass to feel sad, stressed, etc. We call it teaching them to “feel and deal.” It is our natural response to not want our children to struggle. The reality is life is full of struggles and if we can help guide them through their emotions, and help them learn strategies and coping skills, we are setting them up for a healthy emotional state.

According to Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, author of “Five Easy, Powerful Ways to Validate Your Child’s Feelings” for Psychology Today, “validating means giving your child that strong message that I hear you and that what you’re feeling makes sense. I not only am giving you permission to feel what you feel, but I am also welcoming and accepting your feelings in a non-judgmental way. Validating your child coveys deep empathy. This will help build your child’s self-esteem and reduce his or her defiant behavior, which is often the language choice of children who do not feel understood.”

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