Talking About Tragedies

“This is NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams” bellows from our TV every night at 5:30 p.m. It’s the voice of legendary actor Michael Douglas, by the way, who intros NBC’s signature newscast, but it’s the news itself that’s become part of our evening routine.

Keep in mind, I’m never home by 5:30 p.m., but my wife Julie is as much of a news junkie as I am, thank goodness. Or could that be a curse, especially on our two boys, ages 11 and 13?

I’ve been a TV broadcaster and journalist for more than 20 years and have worked in five cities in that time, from Johnson City, Tenn., (my first job) to Phoenix. We’ve lived here for a decade and have raised our kids here since we moved to the Valley when they were pups.

Over the years, so many parents have said to me, “Oh, we don’t watch the news and certainly don’t let our kids watch it. It’s too violent and negative.” My response is usually something light-hearted and almost in jest like, “Well, because of my job, the TV is on too much in our house and I just pray my kids don’t change their names to Hannibal or Lecter.”

Julie and I fully realize we’re making a conscious choice by leaving the news on. And yes, it becomes white noise, but it’s how we run our daily ops.

I’m proud to say my boys know political figures and newsmakers of the day, whether it’s John Boehner, Hillary Clinton, Sheriff Joe Arpaio or Vice President Joe Biden. (If they didn’t know who the current president was then I’d fully turn in my 12News media badge).

But there’s a definite flipside to kids being exposed to a lot of news coverage: They see war, drone strikes and despotic leaders, as well as fires, crimes, fatal car accidents and salacious court cases that are a part of covering local and state news.

Yes, the day’s news can be flat-out horrific at times, but it also demands Julie and I do something about it: engage and provide perspective. A local crime story can, in turn, create a dialogue on safety, being vigilant, checking your surroundings, and being forever grateful to the men and women who put on a uniform and protect our neighborhoods. When the world is literally blowing up in places, we constantly remind them what a great, great country we live in.

The news stories that still traumatize me are the ones where kids are abused and harmed. My kids can see it on my face when I come home after covering these stories. For eight years, I’ve reported our ‘Wednesday’s Child’ series. Every week, we profile a young person who’s waiting to be adopted. When a child gets adopted with help from our stories, it’s euphoric. When we’ve profiled a child for a third time over several years and she’s still waiting for a home, it’s down right depressing.

My kids have asked why those kids don’t have parents and I have had to explain how crime, abuse and/or drug use can create horrible problems. At the same time, I believe my kids know there’s a great need for adoptive homes in our state and they know they have a pretty sweet life in a very stable home. I have no idea if they’ll ever adopt, foster or mentor years from now. I can only hope, however, by talking about community issues, they’re informed on not just the challenge, but also the answer.

I’ve interviewed lots of therapists, counselors and doctors over the years in response to many awful tragedies: 9/11, wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, child abductions, fatal drug abuse or coping with the death of a parent. I’ve asked those professionals dozens of questions on how to talk to kids of all ages about life’s cruelest days. Never once has one of them said “don’t bring it up at all” regarding communication.

The advice has always been: evaluate the tragedy, evaluate your kid’s age and their emotional development. Then, proceed with dialogue, perspective and thoughtful, yet careful comments. That’s how I’ve tried to approach communication with my kids when the world turns tragic.

We can also leave it to the geniuses of our time to wrap an issue like this in a meaningful quote. From Albert Einstein: “The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm, but because of those who look at it without doing anything.”

There is one huge downside to our family chats in the Light house. Spoiler alert: Our familial unit of four consists of four talkers who’ll debate, plead and cajole to get their point across. So, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go (ahem) “politely and thoughtfully communicate” to my children why I’ll bust them every time they sneak to watch an episode of “Family Guy.”

As I’ve said before, TV is a blessing and a curse!

By // Scott Light

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