A Bonding Journey

Growing up, my parents were always there for my brother, Marcus, and me. They attended every sporting event we ever competed in and, as a family, we spent countless magical days traveling across Europe and the United States, seeing the world and learning about ourselves and each other. There was never a question as to whether our parents loved us or were proud of us.

Of course, as a parent—I have three beautiful kids, I should know!—you may not always grasp every nuance of your children’s lives at school or at home, and because of this, children may not always feel heard or truly understood by their parents. In our family, we always had open dialogues with our parents about our feelings and our expectations. But naturally there were times when I felt like nobody understood what I was going through.

So when I turned 21, my father did an amazing thing. He asked me if I wanted to spend a weekend together sharing moments from my childhood—the good times, as well as the more challenging ones. Dad is a family psychologist and an ordained minister so he is used to helping families sort through issues to develop a stronger connection. But this was different. He was asking his own daughter to honestly share those moments that he and my mother could have approached differently. What a brave thing to do!

We decided to visit a local resort where we could enjoy the activities the hotel had to offer, but mostly just talk—and more importantly, listen. During those two days, our relationship grew significantly! He told me that he and my mom wanted to know how I felt and they were there to lift me up and to support me through prayer. The conversations we had really did give a voice to my feelings—they were so meaningful and validating. I cannot say how important it was having this heart-to-heart—and many subsequent conversations—with both my father and my mother, who is the most loyal person on the planet. I learned differences can happen in love.

Now, as a mom to three amazing kids and wife to my wonderful husband Chris, I want my kids to know that we want to learn from their thinking and that we hear them, respect them and are able to listen to them.

Sometimes as parents, when our kids say they are unhappy with something, we defend ourselves. Now I just take a deep breath and just listen to them. And I think: if I were their age going through exactly the same thing, all I would have wanted was for someone to hear me. That’s what my father shared with me when we spent a weekend together. It was an amazing gift.

By // Michelle Knox

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